The battle lines have been drawn. Feminism has all but won. Men are disposable, temporary, unnecessary. Sex change operations are overwhelming men literally cutting off their own penis to become more like women. I talk to men every day who have given up. Some go their own way, writing off women altogether. Others get even by gaming one and moving on to the next… a risky move in a society where one call to the police and he’s behind bars. And if you do decide to get married… better hope she doesn’t change her mind or the divorce lawyers and family court will be in your future. Men are a paycheck, an annoyance, and afterthought. But it doesn’t have to be this way… The war on men has been waged. And men are losing.
What will it take to turn the tide and have this war on men evaporate? It will evaporate (disappear… no more battles, no more castration) as soon as a critical mass of good men reject it as ‘balderdash’ nonsense and step up to ‘train’ their women how to behave around them. (Yes, I said train).
The beautiful thing about masculine energy is that it invites and calls forth feminine energy. Healthy masculine energy is stable and provides a framework for feminine energy to flow through; in other words, the masculine defines the boundaries inside of which the feminine is able to flow. When you guys get this, you will be able to stop the emasculation in your immediate circle, feel more like your manly self than you have in years, and you will have provided a set-up and framework that is also more happy for the women around you.
Gentlemen, I know this probably sounds crazy. Here I toss out society’s conventional wisdom that men should just be more… sensitive, kind, caring, gentle, submissive… female. I have SEEN with my clients and in my personal life that when men embrace and embody their masculine energy, everyone present benefits, especially the women.
We (women) are completely unconscious of the real harm it does as we try to force you, our lovers, our brothers, our sons, our fathers, to be more like us. And, we- at large- don’t want to hear that we are doing anything wrong.
Therefore, it’s time for you to stop talking and just show women what it’s like to be around a man who stands up for himself and accepts only what he finds acceptable. In that environment, women either march out furious (in our masculine, combative energy), or relax into our femininity. Without that environment, it is very difficult for us to live from our feminine energy (more on why below.)
I’m writing this as a woman advocating for the inherent greatness of men. Please only take it on if it DOES serve you. I’m not writing this because you are stupid or at fault. I’m writing this to provide something- a perspective and some tools- to enable you to change how women treat you and men in general. I want to enable you to arise in your masculine strength and turn the tide of emasculation and the man-hating culture. I want to enable you to attract amazing women and feel your manly confidence in your body. I want to bridge the knowledge gap so you understand how women think and can stand up for yourselves in a way that WORKS with THEM. With a little understanding, you will be far more EFFECTIVE in stopping this emasculation with the women close to you, particularly with partners and immediate family.
So, what DO you need to know about women?
You need to know:
Women are the most abusive to themselves.
We only abuse those around us because we are hurting and/or ignorant. Usually both.
We judge ourselves with an extreme form of perverted perfectionism…
We believe the notion that YOU also judge us with extreme harshness and perfectionism and that is why you are withholding your love and approval from us- because we aren’t perfect enough (because that’s what a woman would do).
(We have no idea that this is a woman thing. We think it IS real. Just ask a woman.)
We exhaust ourselves trying to be perfect enough to satisfy you, so YOU will stop withholding your love and approval. Then we resent you. Then we punish you for being so harsh (the harshness which is not actually happening.)
We do NOT understand why we feel profoundly inadequate and unhappy.
Gentlemen, I’m going to apologize RIGHT NOW for all the women who have done this to you. It wasn’t fair, logical, real or right. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve it.
*NOTE: This is an overly simplified explanation of what’s already happening. Do not try to fix or change the above. Just know you should understand it so you can be effective with training women.
Women are ‘required’ to live from masculine energy most of the time in modern society, and we generally feel confused about how to be authentically in our feminine energy.
Producing a result, like at work, requires masculine energy.
We feel pressured to constantly be more and more masculine/productive. It’s freaking exhausting!! We also are generally unaware that there is anything masculine about this. We just know we feel we are supposed to do more so we can be worth more… so we better the hell produce! This causes all kinds of problems.
We feel threatened that if we aren’t worth enough, our man WILL LEAVE US. This is deeply embedded in our understanding of the world.
We feel very threatened by other women who are ‘worth more’; be it financial success, educational success, physical beauty, social value (fame), etc. If you (our man) show appreciation of another woman’s value, that is threatening as hell for us. We will feel scared, unloved, hurt even… unless we have an unusual level of self-awareness.
Because femininity is totally misunderstood in society, women today can think we’re supposed to be constantly masculine! Even in the most sex-related arena- SEX itself or lovemaking- women often think we’re supposed to take charge and provide (both masculine functions.) Guys, we are exhausted (and blaming you of course) because this pressure is NOT fun for us. (Read on! You can help.)
The things women say they want from you will never actually make them happy. (Only they can do that for themselves.)
My experience with myself and other women is we think we are unhappy because we just aren’t good enough yet. This is very painful for us.
We redirect our focus to our perceived hurt from you also demanding that we be more perfect. This causes us to feel hurt, unloved, rejected, manipulated, unwanted or uncared for. Ironically, then we try to get you to change… (And to stop doing what you already are NOT doing. Do you see the insanity of it? Is this clear yet?)
When you are aghast at why we are lashing out at you, we demand you change… Be more sensitive. Spend more time at home. Stop flirting with other women. Call us during the day. Do a better job on Valentine’s day. Remember all my cousin’s birthdays. Et Cetera.
We insist that we’ll be happy and feel loved as soon as you… fill in the blank with our demand.
Do NOT BELIEVE IT. IT WILL NEVER WORK.
The only way out of this trap for men is to NEVER ACCEPT the assumption that YOU can fix OUR unhappiness and pain! NEVER try to fix this. STOP where you already have accepted this impossible, unhealthy duty.
NOTE: When you step down as handyman to fix your woman’s unhappiness, and allow her own her own unhappiness, that is very uncomfortable. She will likely throw a big fit and try to punish you. When you don’t move, she will most likely either leave or become trainable. (Both options are better than the current situation where we rampantly dominate and make us both miserable all the time.)
Women are the only ones who can solve our own unhappiness. Note: We do NOT know how! We totally have no idea how! But we are the ONLY one who can.
Do NOT try to “help” us with this. Just accept that a woman will be unhappy sometimes (or often, or always…) but it is NOT your problem; it’s really NOT your business; and it’s definitely NOT your job to fix.
(Even though you guys deeply want to make us happy, please prepare yourselves to accept women the way we are, and stop trying to get us to change… ? to be happy.)
We will ALWAYS feel inadequate- READ YOU CANNOT FIX IT– unless we are highly evolved and have developed a connection to OURSELVES (this is extremely rare. Don’t expect to find it.)
Women have NO IDEA how good men operate! If they knew half of it, they would be deeply stung with regret for all the injuries they have caused.
We are not aware that we think ALL PEOPLE think and act like women. I learned this for myself when I read a The Queen’s Code, a brilliant wake up slap in the face for ignorant women.
Armstrong, A. (2013). The Queen’s Code. Sherman Oaks, CA: PAX Programs Incorporated.
Because we ‘know’ men think like us, YOU (men) are awful people!! Because no good human being would EVER (fill in the blank with whatever you did that upset a woman last time.) You MUST be doing that ON PURPOSE! Because you don’t love us!! We have no idea that you are just being a man. We also don’t know what men are like. All we know is, you know how you SHOULD act(like a woman), and you DON’T because you want us to be more perfect! (Yes, this is totally illogicial and even relatively insane logic. But its still true. Sorry, guys. More bad news.)
We don’t know you have a built-in DRIVE to serve women, and to be appreciated by women. (We don’t have that drive… it doesn’t occur to our brain.)
We don’t know that cutting you down is so painful and angering. (When we are emasculated its not the same experience at all.)
We do NOT KNOW much of what actually cuts you down! When you tell us, it makes no sense, so we often dismiss it.
We do NOT understand what has you feel fulfilled, satisfied, big and amazing.
We do NOT know about or understand the man honor code, including your idea of loyalty, trustworthiness, and brotherhood.
We do NOT get that you would never intentionally hurt us or punish us.
YOU are the ONLY ONE who can ‘train’ women around you to treat you like a man…
And, I assert that IS your God-given job (because we don’t know instinctually what you need us to do!! ‘God’ didn’t build that into us! He built that information into you. So YOU have to tell us!)
What I mean by ‘train’ is to acclimate to what is acceptable in that environment. For example, you have allowed your partner to treat you a certain way in public and in private. You have already, unknowingly ‘trained’ her with what you will allow.
Because there is so much that we do NOT understand about you, it is on you to STOP us when we violate/disrespect/dishonor you. YOU MUST TEACH US WHAT DOESN’T work for you!!
We will NEVER inherently understand the things that you are sensitive to. You may have to be insistent and persistent to train us repeatedly.
You need to train us to also gently apologize when we inadvertently cut off your balls. Again, if this sounds absurd to you, I must remind you that WE DON’T GET IT. We don’t understand how you think. We don’t have the same sore spots or ways of looking at things as men.
If we want to be around you, we ARE trainable!! We WILL respond when you lead and set strong boundaries. (Some women will leave. The rest will be trained.)
When you train us firmly and calmly, you will be amazed what you can get us to do! (Women are instinctively driven to please their man. When you teach us how to please you, we naturally grab onto that.)
Please train us in all the things you NEED and WANT.(like how to appreciate you, how to show you we desire you, what makes you feel disrespected, how to provide positive feminine company for you.)
Please reward us liberally when we behave in the desired fashion!
Training a woman is a gift TO HER (when you do it in the way I am talking about.) It is uplifting to you both, and it will restore you to your sense of manliness (which women find very attractive in general.)
Healthy Masculine energy provides a space where we can be feminine and you can be yourself (stable, composed, confident).
When you train a woman to expect you to be yourself, and train her to behave in a way that works for you, she gets to win with you! This is the gift.
When you honor yourself, you are providing the one thing that MIGHT help her be happy- for her to honor herself. (Ironically, the only thing that will ever cause her to feel internally satisfied and happy is for her to honor herself. Please don’t make it your job to teach her that. That would NOT be appropriate or effective…)
How to train a woman?
I provide trainings on this with my clients and in my Facebook Group for Single Men.
In a nut shell, you refuse to ever accept or step over when a woman treats you in a way that stings. You stop her, address it appropriately right then. Tell her what she can do instead. (Guys, again, women don’t inherently have a solid sense of what has you feel respected or disrespected. Trust me. You must tell us.)
You can watch one of my short trainings on this here.
What’s possible with women if you end the war?
What I’ve seen is profound connection- some people call it true love. I’ve seen a husband of 25 years heal all his wife’s past hurt, finding his marriage more passionately involved than ever before. I’ve seen a retired gentleman discover how to honor himself for the first time in his life, and suddenly attract younger, healthy, gorgeous dates. I’ve seen involuntary celibate men (20s-30s) discover their true power and now confidently dating women who had friend-zoned them before.
What is really possible is real love and healthy partnership. I don’t mean a fantasy version of life. I mean real life where you wake up and need to brush your teeth again. Only this time, you have a loving female next to you, who is happy to see you are still there. And she wants you to brush your teeth so you can come back and kiss her good morning. What is really possible is that that woman receptionist at the office now speaks differently to you, and you actually feel good when you walk into work. What is really possible is that when your mom calls, you two are actually honest with each other now and you are comfortable with her.
Gentlemen, I’ve got your back. I’m on your side. And YOU are the one who has the power to change everything. You can step up, honor yourself first, demand that anyone else in your company does the same, and then teach willing women exactly how she should act around a real man. It’s ok that no one else is going to do it because you can! There need not be another fight. Just simple, firm boundaries. If you do this, you will see women change around you. Some will leave, but most of them will (after an initial insult to their pride) love and respect you far more deeply for it. If you do that, the war will evaporate. If a critical mass of you do that, then the entire culture will shift as the war disappears from popular culture norms. That’s a world I would like to raise my son in.